“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I posses to the poor and my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (I Cor. 13:1-3)
Love is one of those things most people acknowledge as good. We realize it is a need; it is something we should “have and share.” But what is it? Define it.
LOVE IS fulfilling a commitment to act on behalf of another’s best interests regardless of cost or gain to self in order to benefit God and the recipient.
But again, what does this mean? Explain this “definition.” This paper will attempt to do so by analyzing each word or phrase. Love is...
• FULFILLING: to make full; to put into effect; to convert into reality; to carry out.
Bear in mind that fulfilling, as used here, refers to a commitment, therefore love will complete or fulfill that commitment. It will make the commitment complete; it will put the commitment into effect; it will convert it into reality. If a commitment is made, but never acted upon, it is of no value. If a person makes a commitment of his life to God, but never acts upon that commitment, he is not a Christian (i.e., talk is cheap).
I think it is also necessary to point out that fulfilling is a continuous action verb. You must fulfill the commitment always—continuously—not just sometimes. Note, this is not to say that we, as humans, will not fail. An honest effort to fulfill a commitment such as this will indubitably reveal the awesomeness and beauty involved when God states that He loves us.
Observe also, that when John states “God is love” in I John 4:8, he uses the present tense. In other words, He is presently, right now, fulfilling His commitment to me. He is always doing what is best for me.
• A COMMITMENT: a pledge; a state of being obligated.
These definitions imply that a commitment is made to someone; whether to self, another or God. Marriage is a type of commitment made to a member of the opposite sex. Christianity is a commitment to God. You cannot make a commitment without making it to someone. Notice that a commitment of love does not have to be to the recipient. I could make a commitment to God to do what is best for another person; I could make a commitment to my father-in-law to do what is best for my wife. The person to whom you make the commitment, and your relationship to that person, has a bearing on the effectiveness of that commitment. (I.e., if I’m moving and never going to see my father-in-law again, thus never facing the consequences of not living up to my commitment, it can easily be a hollow commitment.) When dealing with God, you will face the consequences of not keeping your commitments to Him.
The difference between a vow and a commitment should also be pointed out: A vow is a type of commitment. A vow is binding; a commitment is not necessarily so. Once you make a vow (e.g., marriage), you are bound by that vow. However, if you make a commitment, you can reconsider and decide to revoke or go back on that commitment.
Although a commitment is not necessarily binding, it will be a permanent or consistent thing. You can only love as long as you honor that commitment. Once you go back on your commitment, you no longer love—you have ceased to love. Thus, we should be thankful that God is (present tense) love. He will never go back on His commitment because he is—always—love.
A commitment also implies “a decision” to act a certain way. Therefore, you must consciously decide to love or to do what’s best.
• TO ACT: To take action; to do.
Your commitment to love is a commitment to action. Love is not a passive thing. A good yardstick is “actions speak louder than words.” For instance, if someone says they love you, but their actions are not consistent with your “best interests” (see Best below), they are lying or, more likely, they don’t understand what love really is.
Love is for ones who act, not actors.
• ON BEHALF OF: in the interest of; for the benefit of; in support of; in defense of.
You must be interested in the recipient. You must want to benefit the recipient. You must be willing to support the recipient. You must be willing to defend the recipient.
For those whom you currently have no affection (viz., your enemies), begin praying for them. As you ask for and act on what is best for them, your affections toward that person will change.
• ANOTHER’S: not of like kind.
Another’s is a possessive word. In this definition “another” is possessing interests. Realize that these interests belong to another.
In this instance, another refers to a person other than self. This person can be another individual, or God. (Love of self will be dealt with in a moment.) In love, you must look for interests other than your own. Your interests may not always agree with those of the person loved, so you must prefer the other. Caution—on occasion, it may be in the other’s best interests to prefer you; therefore, you should allow them to prefer you, and in so doing, you will prefer them.
Proper love of self is often not easy. The other person whom you are preferring is often the person you would like to be, or that person God would like you to be. Your motive for preferring yourself should not be selfishness (i.e., greed), but selflessness. Examples of this might be self discipline or chastisement; allowing yourself a rest (or Sabbath), so that you will be more productive; educating yourself so that you will be better equipped to serve; etc. Love of self, as in all cases of love, depends greatly on motive.
• BEST: excelling all others; most productive of good.
The first thing necessary when examining this word is to point out that it is a superlative. (When saying that a word is defined as a superlative, I mean a word such that “the degree of comparison denotes an extreme, an unsurpassed level”.) Best means best—there is no room for compromise.
This creates a problem. The word best demands a yardstick for comparison purposes. Who is to say what is best? The person receiving the love? A rebellious child might agree, but shouldn’t he be punished for his future welfare and development? How about the one doing the loving? Is that the person who decides what’s best? I might have you committed to an asylum for the insane “for your best interests” if I thought it would help you, but what if I were the insane one? What about a person not directly benefited or effected by the situation? Should they be the judge? This seems right, but what if they didn’t know all of the facts of the situation? They could mistakenly choose less than best. The only person who knows all the facts (past, present and future) of every situation, is God. (He also happens to desire the best for each one of us.) Therefore the word “best” implies a need for the one loving to have an interactive relationship with God.
Observe that, as the one loved, you may not always see what’s best. The lover may do something that hurts you tremendously now, yet it may be to your benefit in the long term. Whether or not you perceive the other’s actions as what’s best depends on your relationship with God.
(If you’d like more insight on what constitutes Best, see the message entitled Final Love Message: Glory to God.)
• INTERESTS: welfare; benefit.
This word is relatively self explanatory, especially in light of how it has been used up to this point.
It should be specifically pointed out that interests, as used in this definition, imply long term interests as opposed to short term interests. An example should demonstrate this clearly. A parent disciplines a child not because it’s to the child’s short term interests (i.e., it’s more pleasurable), but because it’s to the child’s long term interests (i.e., the child developing self discipline).
• REGARDLESS OF: without regard to; despite everything; no matter what.
This is a strong word. It implies the need to “count the cost” prior to making such a commitment (Luke 14:28-30). Often times this is the most difficult part of love. People encounter a situation which they did not expect or bargain for, and they allow that situation to be greater than their love (or commitment).
It cannot be emphasized enough to count the costs prior to making a commitment.
• COST: amount paid; price; an outlay or expenditure; loss incurred.
Realize that this is a possibility. Usually the price paid for something is not retrievable. Costs incurred in love can be anything from material possessions or mental anguish, to total rejection by the one you loved.
Under the word Best, it was stated that the one you love may not always see that you are doing what is best, and therefore, they may reject you. This does not mean that you stop loving them. This is a cost, regardless.
• OR: either one or the other is true or both are true.
Either condition can be true or both conditions can be true for the entire statement to be true. Love may cost you. It may provide you with gain. It is likely that, at different times, you will experience both.
Compare with And.
• GAIN: Profit; advantage acquired.
Realize, this is also a possibility. If it weren’t, no one would love. It is our nature to do things that profit ourselves.
The gain can be anything from material possessions or mental prosperity, to the return of love by the one you loved. A parent loves a child in hopes the child will, in turn, love back. God loves us, with the hope that we will love Him back.
Is God’s love for you going to be a cost or a gain to Him?
• TO SELF: oneself; itself.
The one loving, not the one being loved.
• IN ORDER TO: so that; the motive being.
The motive for love is crucial. The motive for love must be to benefit God and the recipient. If the motive is anything else, it’s not love.
• BENEFIT: profit; cause gain.
Similar to Gain above. Note, what benefits one may not benefit another. It is possible to benefit one person at someone else’s loss. The only way to avoid this is to let God dictate what is a benefit. For this reason, benefit is similar to the word Best.
• GOD: the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness whom men worship as creator and ruler of the universe.
A word difficult to define because of His infinite nature—I’m going to leave it as Webster defines Him. (One could spend hours defining and listing the characteristics of God.)
• AND: both.
Both conditions must be true for the entire statement to be true.
Compare with Or.
• THE RECIPIENT: the receiver.
If we are to love more than one person, we must benefit every person or recipient we love. Our success is only possible because God loves everyone (He wants what’s best for everyone). He is again the “yardstick” to decide what is a “benefit” to people.
A few closing comments are in order.
It is important to note that “real love” is not an emotion. The above definition clearly reveals that the emotion we call love is not necessarily “real love.” It should be noted, however, that the action of “real love,” over time, produces the emotion we call love (which may be more accurately termed “affection”) in the heart of the lover.
Note also that this “definition” is not the same as I Corinthians 13. It is a common misunderstanding that this “Love Chapter” of the Bible defines love when in actuality it gives characteristics of love (i.e., what is always best). Just because one has the characteristics outlined in I Corinthians 13 does not mean one is a lover. It comes down to motive again.
God is love, but Love is not god.